you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
