We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
