Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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