So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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