I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
