i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
