she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
