no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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