The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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