Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
