may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
