I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
