You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
