Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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