using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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