We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
