my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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