i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
