New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
