i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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