She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
