and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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