I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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