this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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