Betty ford says i'm here all night
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
