dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
