yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
