they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
