Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
