Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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