My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
