I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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