I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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