Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
