why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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