I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
