hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
