and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
