I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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