I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
