I just threw up on my dentist
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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