I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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