dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
