how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
