just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize