the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize