Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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