so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
