saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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