Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
