I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
