I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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