You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
