So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
