We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
