You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity