so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You're breaking my sexual little heart