guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was