ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory