I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.