Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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