I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
