Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
