Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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