New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
