so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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