His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
