seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
