We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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