we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize