I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
