even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
