he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
